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[icon] Last I heard Nanna's still hanging on in hospital. As Mum put it this… - Tired of bullshit dressed in gold.
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Time:10:11 am
Current Mood:crappycrappy
Last I heard Nanna's still hanging on in hospital. As Mum put it this morning, "She's alright. Well, she's not alright, but not like last night".

She's my only grandparent left. Last night I felt so horrible, but I don't know if that was just from my dad's unprecedented crying. I didn't even see him, I just heard him. What's the protocol there? Should I go out and hug him? Stay in my bedroom like I did?

This morning I didn't really feel anything, except uncomfortable and unable to breech the subject with Mum. She kinda came out and told me the above at the kitchen sink after she did the dishes.

My mind keeps jumping ahead to the most stupid things, like how to ask the boss for a day off if I want/need/am invited to a funeral. What the hell should I wear to a funeral, anyway? I have two black dressy tops, one of which doesn't properly fit anymore and the other one I need to wear with an undershirt to stop the cleavage going nuts. WTF is that?

I envy people that can say they 'feel sad' or 'feel angry' or whatever. I don't think I've got that 'diagnosis of feelings' button. I just feel...kinda sick. My stomach's all twisty and I feel on the edge of crying every so often. This sucks.
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crowdog66
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Time:2009-07-29 12:52 am (UTC)
Man... the last two weeks of this month have sucked for so many people I know. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I think your physical reaction is typical and normal. As for your dad... I don't know him, of course, but if you feel up to it and you hear him sobbing again you could go to him, put your hand no his shoulder, look into his face and ask: "Do you want to talk?" The chances are pretty good that he may just need someone to listen to him talk about his grief and fear.

Your mind jumping around is also normal. Often when under stress the human mind starts skidding around like a car on an icy road. You'll find yourself thinking about things that seem crazy, but rest assured that other people go through the same thing.

Hang in there.
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y2jdingo
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Time:2009-07-29 01:28 am (UTC)
Thanks v much for the reassurances. Most of the time I feel quite alright, then I read something like 'love' or 'hug' and it sets the tears going.

And I'm sorry about Mina. She looked like such a gorgeous ball of cat fluff in your photos.
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onehopeful
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Time:2009-07-29 12:58 am (UTC)
Hug your dad if you can, if he will let you. I am so sorry this is happening.
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y2jdingo
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Time:2009-07-29 01:25 am (UTC)
Thanks. We're not the most huggingest family in the world, but I'll definitely try to do something.
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rivulet027
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Time:2009-07-29 01:14 am (UTC)
First off *hug*

What you are feeling is completely normal. I hope your grandmother feels better soon. If your dad is upset and you feel comfortable offering him a hug or an ear to vent then that's what you should do...if you aren't comfortable with that then you aren't. Neither means anything is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you.

It is always difficult when a love one is sick, more so I believe when that person is elderly or a child.

You don't have to wear black to a funeral, it's traditional, but if you aren't comfortable then don't. A funeral is about your grief, sharing your grief and remembering and loving the person who passed. If you feel you should wear black then wear the shirt that needs an undershirt/cami as layering is a quick way to look put together.

If you need to vent/talk just pm me. I live with my grandma and face fears when she is ill. I also work in a nursing home.
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y2jdingo
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Time:2009-07-29 01:23 am (UTC)
*hugs back*

Thanks v much.

I know that this is all going to pass, and it'll get worse and then better, but it's just not knowing what to expect that's the hardest bit.
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rivulet027
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Time:2009-07-29 01:39 am (UTC)
It will, pass. I do hope it gets better and not worse. Working with the elderly on a nearly daily basis I can tell you with certainty that they can be very fragile, but they can also be as tough as nails. Just let your grandma know you love her, that's the best thing in times like these...lots of love.
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angel_negra
Subject:*hugs tight*
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Time:2009-07-29 11:57 pm (UTC)
With your dad, it's really about what you think you can give of yourself. If you feel like you can listen to him talk about his own pain, offer him a chance to talk. If you feel like you can only offer physical comfort, offer a hug. If you feel like you have enough to deal with on your own, stay in your room and allow yourself to grieve in your own way.

I don't think you're focusing on stupid things. Sometimes, the best way to deal with grief is to focus on something that is very much not a death/possibly soon to be death. When my Step-Dad died, I did a lot of burying myself in fic to give myself a break, or cleaning/cooking, or making notes of all the important details that my Mom was too shaken up to remember.

With your boss, I'd suggest mentioning it to him, the next time you see him, that your grandmother is in a bad way and you may need time off for a funeral soon. For the shirts, go with the one that needs an undershirt. The last thing you need on top of everything else is a battle with a shirt that doesn't fit right.

And don't feel bad for not feeling a set emotion. Everyone reacts to death differently. Heck, the SAME person can react to two deaths differently. Just, don't beat yourself up for not reacting the "correct" way, as there is none. And don't feel guilty for feeling happy at something or for focusing on seemingly trivial things. Your mind, heart and soul are doing what they need to to get you through this. And sometimes that means taking a break from the fear and grief to focus on something you CAN control. Like your wardrobe choices.
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[icon] Last I heard Nanna's still hanging on in hospital. As Mum put it this… - Tired of bullshit dressed in gold.
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