Last I heard Nanna's still hanging on in hospital. As Mum put it this morning, "She's alright. Well, she's not alright, but not like last night".
She's my only grandparent left. Last night I felt so horrible, but I don't know if that was just from my dad's unprecedented crying. I didn't even see him, I just heard him. What's the protocol there? Should I go out and hug him? Stay in my bedroom like I did?
This morning I didn't really feel anything, except uncomfortable and unable to breech the subject with Mum. She kinda came out and told me the above at the kitchen sink after she did the dishes.
My mind keeps jumping ahead to the most stupid things, like how to ask the boss for a day off if I want/need/am invited to a funeral. What the hell should I wear to a funeral, anyway? I have two black dressy tops, one of which doesn't properly fit anymore and the other one I need to wear with an undershirt to stop the cleavage going nuts. WTF is that?
I envy people that can say they 'feel sad' or 'feel angry' or whatever. I don't think I've got that 'diagnosis of feelings' button. I just feel...kinda sick. My stomach's all twisty and I feel on the edge of crying every so often. This sucks.
|comments: Promo time?|